PEDIATRICS II
by Ben Dobson

There are some oblivious air heads who pass through our office. Here is a sampling of some of the things I have either overheard, been told outright, or asked:

"That's what mommies do... mommies wipe boogies."
I'm glad she found her purpose in life....

"Ok, when it's time for my next appointment, do you call me to make my baby's next appointment?"
I suppose we don't bend over backwards enough to make lives easier for our patients...

"Oh, when that camp form is done, just run it over to the camp for me, OK?"
Ahhh yes, our delivery service. Unfortunately, she didn't offer to tip me.

"My kid just peed his pants. How can I get a urine sample now?"
No comment.

"Tell me where the fastest pharmacy is... I don't have all day you know."
I took a lucky guess and suggested CVS on Route 12.....

"I've been waiting twenty minutes. Is the doctor even here?"

Oh no, we only schedule appointments when the physician is rounding...

From one mom to another, "So tell me, does your husband have big balls?"
I will only say that sports were in the context of this conversation

"Hey, you aren't the check-out lady!"
Thanks for reaffirming what I have long believed...

"I've been meaning to bring this urine sample in since my daughter's well visit last April. It's been chilling in the ‘fridge the whole time... it should still be good, right?"

"Mommies are smart."

Well, maybe they're smart. But thank goodness for Einstein because thanks to his theory, they're only smart... relative to their husbands. A sampling of what I've come across:

"Uhhh.... my wife knows who the doctor is."

"Uhhhh.... don't you know my child's date of birth?"

"Uhhhhh... can you write that down? I won't remember long enough to tell my wife."

"Uhhhhhhh.... I was on hold for an hour and a half so I decided to bring my boy in instead"

Uh huh.