OH PLEASE NOT ANOTHER CRAPPY PARODY
- Not Another Teen Movie

As I walked past kids who looked twelve that also went to last nights rough cut screening of “Not Another Teen Movie,” I realized exactly what audience the creators were trying to attract: dumb teens and the partied out college crowd. This cut and paste knock off of all the teens movies in the last 20 years, written by some of the writers of the equally un-funny and overrated “Scary Movie” property, looked a lot better in trailers then it actually did as a full-length film. Though it has some really funny moments, most of it is as unoriginal as the pick up lines used at a frat party. If the point of making this movie was to spoof as many movies as you can without having any original thoughts, I think the creators succeeded.

We meet our main character Janey (Chyler Leigh) in the midst of a female version of Jim’s opening sequence in “American Pie,” except in this scene it isn’t a sock that steals the scene. Though the movie really revolves along the borrowed story lines of “Cruel Intentions,” “She’s All That” and Varsity Blues there are way too many other movies that get ripped apart haphazardly. As we are introduced to the high school like we are introduced to college in “Road Trip” the tour guide tells all the prospective students there are no cliques in the school while splitting the group into sections of jocks, whores and nerds. The beginning of the movie revolves around a bet between the main jock, Jake Wyler (Chris Evans), and both his best friends and his sister; a girl based on the sister from “Cruel Intentions.” The object, like in “She’s All That,” is to make the freaky girl prom queen, after the popular jock’s girlfriend dumps him for a guy who is supposed to be the Wes Bentley character from “American Beauty,” floating bag and all. The adventures continue as we follow that plot, and then all the others from “American Pie,” “Sixteen Candles,” “The Breakfast Club” and endless other teen movies.

The best series of film spoofs come from the Cruel Intentions theme. One scene features the dialogue where Jake says; “you’re my sister!” “But only by blood” his sister responds as she tries to seduce him. The other great spoof from that over done movie is a hilariously tacky make out scene between the cruelest girl and this old lady who is supposed to parody Drew Barrymore’s character in “Never Been kissed.” Other great parts to look for are “Dad’s wall of Jake’s accomplishments”, a “Rudy”-esque football scene and a scene with excrement that is almost as funny as the one that involves Spud in “Trainspotting.” Though there are those shining moments they are few and far between.

In an acting note, I really hope that Jaime Pressly never gets an acting gig as anything but a cheerleader or a stripper because even those kinds of roles are stretching her acting ability too far. Yeah she is great looking but she can’t act her way out of a box.

Scenes involving the “Breakfast Club,” “Bring it On,” and the whip cream scene from “Varsity Blues” are totally wasted as the scenes’ whole premise are given away in the trailer. The phrase “too many cooks in the kitchen,” applies here. Too many writers collaborated on this picture that parodies too many movies for it to work. Some movie parodies just seem to be thrown in from nowhere and may be good for a cheap laugh but seemed distracting for example a spoof on the “Golden God” scene from “Almost Famous” that came out of the blue. The formula they used when writing “Scary Movie” was better because they stayed on a certain path and didn’t fill it up with so much miscellaneous crap.

The cameos are short, but excellent, with advice given to the main characters by the likes of Mr. T and Molly Ringwald that almost make this movie worth seeing for pure cheese factor Not even B.A Baracus can save this jumbled up mess of a movie. I think that the writers of this movie need to be locked into a room for three years continuously watching good parodies like UHF, the Naked Gun series, South Park and Airplane. At least then they will know that you don’t have to be so over the top with sex and language to make an awesome comedy.

If after my words of discouragement you still want to see this movie, I advise being drunk, seeing this movie is like a one-night stand you might regret in the morning.

Recycled jokes turns
promising movie into
trash

J Meritt