This story technically does not belong under satire, since it is completely true. However -- becasue it is so bizarre, and reflects some points we could poke fun of in this particular town, it's worth it to post it here. Enjoy!

Alcoholic Animals?
Story coyright: Associated Press

(ATHOL, Mass.) August 23, 2001 -- Selectmen here are approving an article on the Oct. 15 town meeting that would allow horses, cats or dogs "to be brought into a tavern to sip sarsaparilla or any other unidentified beverage."

The selectman are unhappy about doing it, since they know the warrant is illegal and they believe it is a joke. The article was placed on the warrant by a citizen petition, signed by 13 residents. Selectmen believe it is a mocking reference to Selectman Jim White, who recently rode a horse into Friends Cafe.

Selectman Mary E. Forristall told the Worcester Telegram and Gazette she found the article offensive and a waste of time for town officials to review and approve for town meeting.

Town Counsel Mark A. Goldstein said selectmen are not allowed to put anything on a town meeting warrant that would break the law, but they cannot change warrant articles requested by citizen petition. The article would apparently conflict with state health code laws.

The problem with the article should be clear to any voter, said Selectman Alan Rich.

"I think any sap would read Article 25 and realize it is a violation of the law," Rich said.

Donald Sennott, a resident attending a meeting to talk on another issue, said he has submitted citizen petition articles, and believes the town is stuck with bringing the article before the voters.

"There's nothing you can do about it," he said. "That it's illegal, it's never bothered the town before."

Selectman Joseph Maga said he does not expect a positive recommendation for the article on the town meeting floor.

"I don't think they will recommend something they think is frivolous, stupid or they think is going to cause a problem for the town," he said.